I was looking through my external harddrive on my lunch break today.. looking for a video of me and my sister actually, when I stumbled across this image. This reminder of how I used to spend so much of my time.. and my heart actually started aching for it. For time and space to dip my brush in ink and make something. anything.
This picture is from 2009. From AUGUST of TWO THOUSAND AND NINE. And I feel like I can probably count on two hands how many times I've pulled out my inks since then. It's hitting me today how sad that really makes me.
A few weeks ago, I read something about creativity in children. How bountiful it is when it's given space to grow, and how boredom encourages and demands it. The article spoke about the overwhelming amount of information that is at our fingertips today and how, maybe, it might be hurting us more than helping us. The other side of that coin is that we are now exposed to so much more information, that we have more inspiration and more resources to pull from. I guess, the question then, is do we? When we have everything, where is the need?
The point is that it got me thinking about my day-to-day, "sit in front of a computer screen and watch everyone else be creative" job and it makes me wonder if I'm losing some of that creativity. I wonder if I'm losing the ability to make something out of nothing. The past few years have been full of transition and growth and readjusting and I don't mean to downplay them or even wish for something different. I just miss creating.
Funny, that is my word this year: C R E A T E. But it's already March! We're a fourth of the way through 2012, and what do I have to show for it? I know that life is busy, and planning a wedding takes a lot more time than you'd think (more than I thought, anyway).. but I'm itching to get to a place where I can sit down and make something. I'm craving it.
I don't want to lose it.